U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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