sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
