Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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