Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
