Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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