Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
