Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
