toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
