Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
