He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
