Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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