im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
