Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
