She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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