The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
