Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
