Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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