When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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