Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
