accomplished twins. life is a go
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
