You're my little dorito
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
