So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
