sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
