bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
