I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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