Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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