I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
