I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
