somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
