I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
