yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
