It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
