You can't special order awesome
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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