I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
