Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
