I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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