That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone came in the potted fern
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
