Only a mothe r could love this liver
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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