its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
