I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
