I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
