3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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