What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
