Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
