I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
