we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
