I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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