for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
