hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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