last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
